How Are You?

I feel like I'm on high alert these days. Waiting, yet dreading, a second relapse. A second relapse would confirm a diagnosis of MS as far as my doctors are concerned (not me of course - I'm still deeply entrenched in denial).

Every little twinge of unusual pain, however, makes me wonder if round two is beginning. Interpret 'unusual pain' as bruising not inflicted by my head-butting 1 1/2 year old, or as a result of my usual amount of uncoordinated stumbling about. Trips to the go to the bathroom have also become slightly alarming. Did I used to go pee so much?

To top it all off, I think I'm in almost constant "pseudo relapse" mode due to my lack of sleep and fretting. My focus and colours vary on a day to day basis. I hardly know how to answer when people ask how I'm doing. What do I say? "Well... today the greens are psychedelic and the reds are piercingly bright, to the point of drowning out the amber shield surrounding the traffic light. Oh, and I think my focus isn't fantastic, it was slightly better yesterday." Sensing that this would both bore and confuse people, I instead reply with: "I'm feeling great today. How're you?"

On the upside, I now go for hours without even thinking about the mystery surrounding my health. Overall, I feel great.