I'm Moving... Please Visit Me at My New Blog Home...

Here's a link to where you'll find my new blog posts: Adjusting to Life With MS

I'm a Collaborative Work in Process

Once a month I take inventory at work and place a value on the plant's work in process. It's a bit of a complicated process involving our production, purchase and consumption of raw materials, shop labour and so on. So, how about a personal inventory? Certainly, it's not as complicated a process of evaluation. In general I feel that I'm in positive territory. While I could write on and on about my symptoms or the lousier side of things... how can I write about crummy things when life continues to look up? Here are some really good things going on in my life:

• working hard at my relationship with Daryle
• re-connecting with my sister
• becoming closer with some of my lifelong friends
• progressing with Andy's speech and behaviour issues
• achieving positive results on a couple of levels with Daniel
• focusing on my job at the office

Many things in my life have seen improvement as a direct result from asking for help. It's funny, until just recently, I'd thought that the medical system had somehow let me down in terms of trying to help me with my MS. But, I just had to ask for help and continue to ask for help when something still seemed lacking. For example: Andy has been struggling with his speech, so I asked for speech therapy help, which led to behaviour therapy for him, which in turn led me to personal counselling, which brought me to work on my relationship with Daryle, which has enabled us as a family to focus on each other and become stronger. Upon reflection, the big picture reveals that I now get so much help I should cut my hours at work to part-time to compensate:

Osteopath 1x per month

Neurologist 2x annually or as needed

Family doctor as needed

Jin Shin Juitsu therapist as needed (I don't take time off work to see them <thanks MOM!!!>)

Psychologist as needed (ha! I should be there daily!)

Nurse for my Copaxone 1x per month phone conversation

Nurse at MS Clinic as needed

Neuropthalmologist as needed

Pretty good team, eh? Individually, none of them would be able to take care of all my needs, but together they're fantastic. Okay, okay, I'm starting to sound a little over the top cheerful. But I'm feeling better than I have in a looooong time. Way to go team!

A tulip from my garden

P.S. Visited my osteopath today for an adjustment, prescription and discussion. Didn't even realize that my left pinky finger had gone on vacation until I tried to type upon returning to the office. Come back soon Pinky!

Expressions of Joy

Feel like dancing? C'mon, let loose. Let the music inspire you!

I'm feeling so good these days (plural - can you believe it!!!!!!). I can hardly sit still. Yesterday I felt so good that I actually tortured my family by dancing in the kitchen while making dinner. With the blinds open! <shocking> I couldn't resist moving along with my new playlist. Moving rapidly became "dancing".

At first I felt very awkward and my movements were uncoordinated. What an understatement - uncoordinated! Then, as I became more comfortable and relaxed, the reflection on the fridge door of my feet and legs began to transform into something that resembled dancing. Odd dancing perhaps, but dancing nonetheless. Almost.

As momentum built, I kicked off my slippers, removed my blanket (aka: sweater) and my feet began moving more easily. More than just my feet felt liberated - my arms and hands were more expressive. About half an hour into the display of my... ummm rockin' moves, Daniel actually commented "Mom, you're a good dancer".

"Gee, thanks." <laughing>

Months ago, a nurse told me that it would take a full year to come to terms with my new reality. At the time I honestly thought that I had reconciled myself with MS, in relation to both my present and future. I had everything under control. I have MS. What's there to deal with? Just get on with life. Suck it up Buttercup. It hasn't been that simple though. While my diagnosis certainly hasn't changed and my symptoms will never fully go away, I have changed. Really, I have. I am comfortable in my own skin. I love myself again. Corny, but true. I feel like I've metamorphosed into someone completely different.

I had been looking at MS as though having it involved great loss and personal sacrifice. Loss of freedom, independence, financial stability, physical movement, happiness, joy... As my MS anniversary approaches, I'm beginning to recognise and value the "mores". More compassion, focus, appreciation of what "is", acceptance of life, tolerance, meaningful relationships, freedom in expressing my individuality, contentment and feeling grounded. All good things, right?

So, don't laugh if you see me dancing for the simple joy of it. Trust me, it won't look like I'm dancing for any other reason than for the fun of it! Come over and dance with me. It feels so good to let go. To quote Dr. Seuss "Those that mind, don't matter and those that matter, don't mind."

Here's my latest playlist in case you're interested:

The Void by Metric
Delight (feat. Octavia Rose) by Jamie Berry
Up in the Clouds (Mr Flash Mix) by Darwin Deez
Madness by Muse
Lickety Split by Jamie Berry
Bangarang by Skrillex
Carry On by Fun.
Home by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
Marvellous by Jamie Berry
We are Young (feat. Janelle Monae) by Fun.
Extraordinaire by Joel Plaskett
One Foot by Fun.
Out of My Mind by Jamie Berry


So, while my Copaxone shots are still painful, my left hand control and vision aren't what they once were, I can still dance, sing and enjoy myself. Whatever you do, don't feel badly for me. I've moved on. I've shed my ill-fitting-tweed-coat past and have moved on to my sleek-new-leather-jacket future.