Three Steps Ahead, One Step Back

"You'd think that one's brain would be more symmetrical... it looks like there are alarmingly large bits missing in there." My comment is made to Dr. Traboulsee - I'm feeling rather uneasy about what appears to be a large void in the right half of my brain. How can I possibly be alive and breathing, talking even, with such a gaping hole in my brain?!

His reply, in a noticeably calm tone of voice, "No, brains are asymmetrical. If we scroll down, you'll see that the gap fills in and on the left side there now appears to be a void -  your brain is fairly typical. This is interesting, look at the location of this lesion in August's MRI - in December's MRI it is completely absent."

My neurologist and I are comparing my most recent MRI images from December 2012 against the images from August 2012. In summary, it looks like of the ~12 lesions present in the summer 3 have virtually vanished, while a large one has established itself. Hmm. So, now rather than having 12 I have 10. Lucky me! A reduction of 17% - I'll take it.

We went on to discuss whether or not Copaxone is being effective. He'd like to check in with me in six months, by which time the Copaxone should be in full force in my system. I explained that I'm quite happy taking the drug, as it has minimal side effects and is much simpler to take than Rebif. However, if the relapses continue over the next six months at this rate, it sounds like he wants to move me on to Gilenya, Tysabri or enter into a study if there's one available with the medications that I would be considering. At least there are options, although I don't particularly care for them. The side effects (interpret as risks) are greater - I would have to know more about the medications and their financial impact before I make any decision. But, I don't have to think about those options. Yet.

But Mom... It's P I N K

Daniel's in protest about carrying my pink purse. Over the last couple of days I haven't been able to carry much. Even toting my purse makes my arm feel like it's being pulled from its socket. He's been such a little trooper though. I mean, what 8 year old wants to carry his mother's pink purse? Undoubtedly, it would it help if it was grey or black, any neutral colour that wouldn't draw attention to him. However, a purse is still a purse and I can't blame him for not being particularly cheerful about lugging mine around. Rather than change the colour, I'll dig out my little wallet to stash in my back pocket.

This latest relapse has knocked me off my feet. I had such high hopes that the steroid treatment would help me overcome or shorten my relapse, but they didn't. At least not in any truly meaningful way. My arm has lost a lot of strength and control and my left leg feels like it has been cast in concrete.

Yesterday I was beyond grumpy and incredibly off balance. Reminiscent of a tattered old crow, my late arrival at the office was less than stellar. As I attempted to reply to comments about my being in rougher shape than those that had partied hard throughout Superbowl Sunday, I turned and lost my balance - my arm automatically flung itself out to grab the wall to steady myself. Steady would have been infinitely preferable to my staggering, 'drunken' display of extraordinary uncoordinatedness. Is that a word? I'd slept poorly and I felt achy. Oh my God, achy... at times, aside from my incredibly sore arms, it felt like someone had taken a board and hit me across the back of my shoulders with it. I just wanted to crawl back into bed and go to sleep... and sleep...

In retrospect, I think that part of yesterday's problem was that I had eaten a bunch of bread on both Saturday and Sunday evenings. I'm no nutritionist, so my thoughts are purely my own and in all probability sound like total crap to everyone else, but here's my theory: My over-consumption of bread didn't allow my body to keep up with repairing the cells that have been under attack by my own immune system during this relapse. My system was too busy trying to deal with the bread and the possible inflammation that likely arose from its consumption. However, I ate well yesterday and feel much better today. Not 100%, but better. The aches have been greatly diminished and while the control of my left hand and arm aren't fantastic, I'm able to type and manipulate paper. I won't be doing origami anytime soon, but flipping over paperwork on my desk is manageable... and pink purse carrying. I think I can manage that today.